For many years, I believed that if I could just achieve my goals, I would finally feel the way I wanted to feel.

I thought I would feel successful once my business reached a certain level.

I thought I would feel confident once I had accomplished more.

I thought I would feel peaceful when the problems were solved.

I thought I would feel secure when there was enough money.

Like many people, I was waiting for life to change before I allowed myself to feel better.

What I eventually discovered changed everything.

The gap between where we are and where we want to be is often not a gap in circumstances. It’s a gap in emotional alignment.

What If We Have It Backward?

Most of us have been conditioned to believe that our feelings come from our circumstances.

When this happens, then I’ll feel happy.

When I get the promotion, then I’ll feel successful.

When I lose the weight, then I’ll feel confident.

When the money arrives, then I’ll feel prosperous.

When the relationship improves, then I’ll feel loved.

But what if we’ve been approaching it backward? What if those feelings are not the result of getting what we want? What if they are part of the path that helps us move toward it?

I remember years ago when I was working hard to grow my business. Like many people, I had goals, dreams, and ideas about where I wanted my life to be. I believed that once I achieved those things, I would finally feel successful.

I thought I would feel more confident when I had more clients. I thought I would feel more secure when there was more money in the bank. I thought I would feel more relaxed when everything was finally working the way I wanted it to.

What I didn’t realize was that I was postponing the very feelings I wanted most.

I was waiting for success to give me confidence instead of practicing confidence first. I was waiting for abundance to help me feel secure instead of learning how to feel supported where I was. I was waiting for life to improve before allowing myself to feel better.

In many ways, that’s exactly why I wrote my first book, The Appreciation Game. I was beginning to discover that appreciation wasn’t something you practiced after everything worked out. Appreciation was part of the path that helped you get there.

The more I studied personal growth, emotional wellness, and the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, the more I began to see a different possibility.

Maybe I didn’t have to wait. Maybe I could begin practicing those feelings now.

Years ago, one of the most powerful questions I ever learned to ask myself was this: How would I feel if what I desire were already here?

Not what would I do. Not what would I have. How would I feel?

Because when you really think about it, most of what we want is not about the thing itself.

We want the feeling we believe the thing will give us.

We want success because we think it will make us feel accomplished, capable, and valued.

We want financial abundance because we think it will make us feel secure, free, and supported.

We want a loving relationship because we think it will make us feel connected, appreciated, and cherished. But the deeper desire is almost always emotional.

Closing the Gap

Imagine two people who have the exact same financial circumstances.

One feels grateful, supported, and optimistic about the future. The other feels worried, fearful, and focused on lack.

Their bank accounts may look identical, but their emotional experience is completely different.

Which one is more likely to notice opportunities?

Which one is more likely to take inspired action?

Which one is more likely to attract supportive relationships and positive experiences?

Our emotional state influences how we see the world, how we interpret events, and what actions we take. It shapes the choices we make every day.

Last week’s article explored how our thoughts affect our mood and the chemicals our brain produces.

This is where that understanding becomes incredibly powerful. If your thoughts create feelings, and your feelings influence your actions, then learning to intentionally cultivate the emotions you desire becomes an important part of creating the life you desire.

Becoming an Emotional Match

This doesn’t mean pretending. It doesn’t mean denying challenges or forcing yourself to be positive when you’re hurting. It means gently practicing the emotional qualities you want more of, even before your circumstances fully reflect them.

If you want success, begin practicing feelings of confidence, capability, and self-trust.

If you want prosperity, begin practicing appreciation, sufficiency, and gratitude for what is already working.

If you want peace, begin creating moments of peace now instead of waiting for life to become perfect.

If you want joy, start looking for reasons to experience joy today.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is alignment.

Every time you practice the emotional state associated with your desire, you begin closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

My Own Practice

This is something I continue to work on myself.

Like everyone else, there are times when I find myself focused on what isn’t happening quickly enough or what still needs to change.

When I notice that, I come back to a simple question: How would I feel if what I desire were already unfolding? Usually the answer isn’t complicated.

I would feel hopeful.

I would feel appreciative.

I would feel excited.

I would feel trusting.

And the beautiful thing is that I don’t have to wait for my circumstances to change before I allow myself to experience those feelings. I can begin practicing them now.

A Simple Experiment

Today, think about something you deeply desire. Then ask yourself: If this were already on its way to me, how would I feel?

Would you feel relieved?

Would you feel confident?

Would you feel supported?

Would you feel grateful?

Choose one of those feelings and spend a few minutes intentionally connecting with it today. Not because you’ve already arrived. But because you’re learning to become a match for where you’re going.

The more you practice the emotional qualities associated with the life you desire, the smaller the gap becomes.

Perhaps the life you’re seeking isn’t waiting for you to arrive before you can feel better.

Perhaps feeling better is part of how you get there.

With love & appreciation,
Bonnie