Last week I wrote about why nervous system regulation matters more than you think. Then, on Monday, I shared something deeply personal with our Facebook community.

My son’s best friend passed away unexpectedly. As my daughter was telling me what had happened, I noticed myself automatically beginning to tap.

That wasn’t because I wasn’t deeply affected. It was because I’ve learned that when life suddenly feels overwhelming, my nervous system needs support first.

The truth is that the past few weeks have been a lot.

Along with grieving the loss of someone who felt like a second son, I’ve also been navigating business challenges and several other situations that have required a great deal of emotional energy. I’ve noticed that my nervous system has been working a little harder than usual.

Even though I teach nervous system regulation every day, I’m still human.

I still have moments when my mind feels overloaded and my thoughts seem to be competing for my attention.

The difference isn’t that I never feel overwhelmed anymore. The difference is that I know what to do when I do.

One of the first things I almost always do is go for a walk.

Walking has become one of my favorite ways to settle my mind, and this morning I needed it more than ever.

As I started down the trail, I began doing something I don’t think I’ve ever written about before.

I started talking out loud. Not quietly inside my head. Actually talking.

It felt as though I was having a conversation with a close friend, except the person I was talking to was me.

I said, “You know what, Bonnie? You’ve got a lot going on right now.”

Then I did something that felt incredibly freeing. I simply started saying out loud every thought that was bouncing around in my mind. I didn’t organize my thoughts or try to sound positive. I didn’t judge what was coming up or tell myself I shouldn’t be thinking those things. I just let it all come out exactly as it was, as though I were talking with someone who cared about me deeply and was willing to listen without interrupting.

I talked about the sadness I was feeling. I talked about the business decisions weighing on my mind. I talked about the uncertainty, the questions, the things I still needed to do, and all the little worries that had been quietly piling up in the background.

There were no filters. No pretending. No trying to have the “right” thoughts. Just honesty.

When I had said everything that needed to come out, something shifted.

Instead of staying caught up in all of those thoughts, I naturally began responding to myself with the same compassion I would offer someone I love.

I said, “There’s a lot bouncing around in your brain.” Then I reminded myself, “You’re handling this really well.” I told myself, “You’ll figure this out.” And finally, I smiled and said, “This too shall pass.”

By the time I finished my walk, nothing about my circumstances had changed.

But I had. I felt calmer. Clearer. Lighter.

The problems hadn’t disappeared, but they no longer felt like they were all sitting on top of me at once.

Why Talking Out Loud Can Help

There is actually some fascinating science behind why this simple practice can be so effective.

When our thoughts stay trapped inside our heads, they often continue looping over and over again. Speaking them out loud helps move them into the language centers of the brain, where they become more organized and easier to process. In other words, we’re no longer just thinking our thoughts—we’re hearing them.

Research has also shown that talking to ourselves with kindness, especially by using our own name, creates what psychologists call “self-distancing.” Instead of feeling consumed by our emotions, we naturally begin responding to ourselves the way we would respond to a good friend. That small shift often makes it easier to see situations more clearly and find solutions that weren’t obvious before.

Walking adds another layer of support. The rhythmic movement of walking increases blood flow to the brain, encourages communication between different brain regions, and has been shown to improve creativity and problem-solving. It’s no coincidence that so many people have their best ideas while taking a walk.

Even the simple act of speaking in a calm voice can be regulating. Our voice activates muscles connected to the vagus nerve, one of the body’s primary calming pathways. This is one of the reasons humming, singing, reading aloud, and having gentle conversations can all help settle the nervous system.

You Don’t Have to Carry It All Inside

One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that our minds were never designed to hold every thought inside.

Sometimes what we need isn’t another solution. Sometimes we simply need somewhere for all those thoughts to go.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I invite you to give this a try.

Go for a walk if you can. If walking isn’t possible, try it while you’re driving alone in your car or sitting quietly on your porch.

Start talking. Say everything that’s on your mind without trying to fix it or make it sound better than it is. Let it all come out.

Then, when you’ve emptied your mind, pause for a moment. Ask yourself, “If someone I deeply loved was carrying everything I’m carrying right now, what would I say to them?”

Now say those same words to yourself.

Become your own coach. Become your own encourager. Become your own biggest cheerleader.

You may be surprised how quickly your nervous system begins to soften when it hears compassion instead of criticism.

Becoming Your Own Safe Place

As I was walking this morning, I realized something. The reason I felt so much better wasn’t because I had solved every problem. I hadn’t.

My business challenges were still there. The grief was still there. The unanswered questions were still there.

What changed was the relationship I was having with myself. Instead of carrying all those thoughts around by myself, I acknowledged them. I gave them a voice. Then I responded with understanding instead of judgment.

Over the years, I’ve realized that this may be one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. We can learn to become our own safe place.

Life will always bring unexpected losses, disappointments, uncertainty, and seasons that stretch us. None of us can avoid those experiences. But we can learn to meet ourselves differently.

We can learn to comfort ourselves instead of criticize ourselves. We can learn to encourage ourselves instead of doubting ourselves. We can learn to remind ourselves that we’ve made it through difficult seasons before and we’ll make it through this one too.

For so many years, I believed feeling safe depended on what was happening around me. Now I know that real safety begins within. That doesn’t mean life is always easy. It means I’ve learned how to come home to myself. And I think that’s what nervous system regulation has really given me.

Not a life without stress. Not a life without grief. Not a life without uncertainty. But the ability to return to myself with kindness, compassion, and hope—again and again.

To me, that’s one of the greatest forms of resilience there is.

With love,
Bonnie