“The most powerful changes in my life didn’t happen when I changed what I was doing. They happened when I changed who I believed myself to be.” — Bonnie Durkin

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to start changing… but how difficult it can be to stay changed?

For years I would get excited about a new goal, make progress, and then somehow find myself slipping back into old patterns.

I wasn’t lacking information. I wasn’t lacking desire. I wasn’t lacking motivation. What I was missing was an understanding of identity.

Like many people, I believed lasting change came from changing my habits. If I wanted different results, I needed to do different things.

And while that’s true to some extent, I eventually discovered something much deeper: Long-term change happens when you change the way you see yourself.

The habits matter. The actions matter. But the identity underneath them matters even more. Because every day, whether we’re aware of it or not, we are acting in alignment with who we believe we are.

If you see yourself as someone who struggles, you’ll unconsciously look for evidence that confirms it.

If you see yourself as someone who always quits, you’ll find yourself quitting again.

If you see yourself as someone who is unhealthy, overwhelmed, or stuck, your brain will continually pull you back toward what feels familiar.

The subconscious mind loves familiarity. Its job is not to help you grow. Its job is to keep you consistent with the identity you’ve practiced the most.

I learned this firsthand back in 2020, I had a dream that felt far bigger than my current reality. I wanted to write a book. I had dreamed about writing a book and being an author ever since I was a little girl.

The problem was that I didn’t actually see myself as a writer.

Writers wrote books. Writers wrote every day. Writers had something important to say.

At the time, I was someone who wanted to write a book and that’s very different from being someone who identifies as a writer.

So, I began intentionally shifting my identity. I created statements that reflected the person I wanted to become:

“I am a writer.”

“This is who I am.”

“I write every day.”

“I love writing.”

“Writing comes easily to me.”

I read those statements daily. I tapped while repeating them. I recorded them and listened to them.

Little by little, I stopped trying to become a writer and started seeing myself as one.

And then something fascinating happened. My actions began to follow. I wrote more consistently. Ideas flowed more easily. Writing became something I did naturally because it matched how I saw myself.

Eventually, that process led to my first book, The Appreciation Game.

I used the same approach with my health.

At one point I was dealing with chronic Lyme disease, widespread inflammation, and extra weight that didn’t feel like me.

Again, I realized I needed more than the “right diet” which I had already tried many times without lasting success.

I needed a new identity.

Instead of focusing on what was wrong, I began reinforcing a different self-image:

“I am healthy.”

“I am strong.”

“I love how I look and feel.”

“This is natural for me.”

“I am a healthy person.”

I read those statements. I listened to them. I tapped them in. And most importantly, I practiced feeling what it would be like if they were already true.

Over time, my choices began to align with that identity.

I lost over 30 pounds.

My health improved dramatically.

My energy changed.

But the biggest shift wasn’t physical. It was internal. I no longer saw myself as someone trying to get healthy. I saw myself as a healthy person. And healthy people naturally make different choices.

The truth is that most people focus on changing their actions while ignoring their identity. They try to force themselves to exercise. Force themselves to eat differently. Force themselves to be more confident. Force themselves to stay positive.

But if your subconscious identity says, “That’s not who I am,” the change rarely lasts. Eventually you’ll drift back toward what feels familiar.

This is why I believe lasting transformation begins with two questions:

Who have I been?
And who am I becoming?

Once you become clear about the identity you want to embody, you can begin reinforcing it intentionally through your thoughts, words, emotions, and daily actions.

Small shifts repeated consistently create powerful change.

You don’t have to become a completely different person overnight. You simply begin practicing a new identity until it feels natural. And when your identity changes, your actions often follow much more easily.

The person you’re becoming is already within you. The goal isn’t to create someone new. It’s to strengthen the version of you that has been there all along.

With love,
Bonnie